Did I Miss You As a result of I Liked You, or As a result of I Wanted You to Perceive Myself?

Recently, I’ve been questioning if I actually miss you or if I simply miss the model of myself that existed once you had been round. Possibly it’s each. Possibly I’ll by no means know. Possibly if uncertainty is an individual, it will be me. It’s actually onerous to know me proper? I believe so too.

I used to be the one who began every part. I texted you first, made the jokes, and despatched the small presents. I used to be the one who at all times discovered excuses to speak to you, the one who mentioned all the fitting issues to make you chuckle. It should’ve appeared like confidence from the skin, however deep down, I used to be terrified. And when issues began to really feel too actual for me, I panicked. I used to be the one who pulled away, who appeared down when our eyes met, who instructed myself it was safer to not strive. The one which assume it’s a foul concept to strive, to falling love, to depend upon, and to belief you. I satisfied myself that love like this could solely damage — and possibly I used to be proper, however I nonetheless hate that I didn’t give it an opportunity.

I’m the one who failed, I failed to know myself. I did not be courageous and let myself chase one thing that I’ve been ready for and in search of, love. I believed I used to be prepared for love, however the fact is, I wasn’t even prepared for me.

Now that you just’re gone, I catch myself lacking you — or possibly, lacking what we may’ve been. I need to strive once more. I need to provide you with and myself an opportunity. I need to, I actually do. However once more, I’m the uncertainty itself. I do get scared once more relating to you, to like. I take into consideration how issues may’ve gone in case you met the model of me that’s studying to remain. Would I nonetheless run? Or would I lastly select to be courageous?

I need to love you the loudest, however I nonetheless failed to like myself. I need to perceive you probably the most however I failed to know myself. This makes me marvel at any time when I miss you, did I miss you as a result of I like you? Or as a result of I would like you to assist me perceive myself?

Will or not it’s so improper if I wanted our paths to cross one another’s once more? Trigger, I slowly embrace myself, and I kinda hope I can have you ever within the course of. Possibly by then, I’ll know how you can maintain issues with out breaking them. Possibly we’ll chuckle about how younger and scared we had been. Or possibly we’ll simply smile, like two individuals who as soon as virtually had one thing stunning.

So possibly as soon as extra, we’ll cross paths or possibly we received’t. Both method, I’ll maintain you in these phrases. And I don’t know, possibly it doesn’t need to be so improper to strive once more. However for now, we’ll keep buddies. — NIKI, Fb buddies